Redneck Quarterly

This interview first appeared in Redneck Quarterly in their annual "Heroes and Zeroes" issue and was conducted with "Redneck" while he finished up a court ordered 90 day stint in rehab where he landed after driving his truck down one of the trails at Sunday River Ski Resort in Bethel, Maine. (When they opened up his cab, officers found a half pound of weed, and a 24 pack of PBR's of which most were empty.)

Interview with Redneck, Volunteer Foreman at Openly High Farm

Q. How they treating you in here?
A.Not bad really.  The food is better then what they usually serve at the Buckfield Mall so it's an upgrade as far as I'm concerned.
 
Q. You've been playing music for nearly twenty years, first with a number of your parents bands, such as the Zingo Zango Jug Band, then with Trailer Trash, and now alongside of Johnny Crashed. What are some of the differences you needed to adjust to as you jump from stage to stage?
A. Well with a band like Trailer Trash I could drink as much as i damned please! But with Johnny Crashed I gotta toe the line if I want to get any of the weed that Johnny doles out after a gig. No matter, I have drunken so much alcohol in my lifetime that my liver can be triggered simply by the smell of beer. So I wash my clothes in PBR before doing a gig with Johnny and as far as my body can tell, I'm drunk. Nothing Johnny can say.
 
Q. You have always been known as a ladies man and in fact in 2006 you got in some hot water on the legal front when it came out that you and your good friend Rasta were using your business Rent-A-Redneck as a front for a male prostitution service. What was really going on there and are there any regrets from the fall out?
A.Well it's true we were offering what we like to call "full service calls" to local trailer park ladies. First we would address their immediate homeowner needs, ranging from plumbing, electrical work, shoveling, roofing, carpentry, whatever. But a lot of these ladies had other compelling needs and that's when Rasta and I would offer them a "two for one" special, if you catch my drift. Ain't nothing wrong with what we were doing and we certainly never heard any complaints. I imagine we got ratted out by some jealous husband who couldn't satisfy their lady. It is what it is.
 
Q. You are also a father of a young son. Can you be a responsible father and "Redneck" at the same time?
A.You can. You just gotta be ready to do battle with DHHS on a weekly basis. Between them and the local school officials I got more government employees poking their noses into my business then most of the major terrorist organizations. And the only thing I've blown up in the last five years have been my friends generators. 
 
Q. If you could look into the future where do you see yourself in five years?
A. Oh I'll be dead there's no question about it. But if by some act of God I am still alive, I hope someone kills me. This world hurts too much and I have already done all the good drugs.