Bad news. Sometime in the night local graffiti vandals tagged my outhouse with paint! Unfortunately we will need to leave it on the outhouse until the FBI can come and do a DNA analysis. If you have any information or leads on who may have committed this horrible hate crime, please keep it to yourself.
(Somewhere, Maine) - A group of masked marijuana farmers broke into a storage closet belonging to the Mallet Brothers Band on Sunday evening and stole the bands legendary Fender Telecaster, once played by Buddy Holly.
Local law enforcement received a communique (and the photo above that offers no clues) from a spokesperson for the shadowy growers organization on Monday morning with the following text: "On Saturday, November 7th, the Mallet Brothers Band played a private party at Open Sky Farm in Somewhere, Maine. During this time the band consumed roughly four pounds of the latest harvest. We had only promised them one pound. We will be holding the guitar hostage until our marijuana is returned or they promise to hit on our women like any real rock and roll band would do."
A spokesperson for the Mallet Brothers Band confirmed that they do indeed smoke a lot of weed and it's likely that they did steal the other three pounds and had their roadie sell it to pay off some outstanding bar tabs.
Law enforcement are cautioning the general public to avoid these shadowy marijuana farmers at all cost as it's likely they are armed with joints, vape pens, bongs, hookahs, and glass pipes and actively recruiting for their cause.