(Somewhere, Maine) In what some historians are saying is only the 2nd documented case of immaculate conception in human history, a 9lb. baby girl was born to local virgin, Jezebel Gentempo, at Open Sky Farm on December 21, 2015. The baby arrived at 4:20am and was greeted by a drum circle composed of stoned hippies and drunken rednecks.
"We have had our share of conceiving over the years here at Open Sky Farm. After all when you are naked and tripping on magic mushrooms, who has time to find the condom hidden in your wallet?", said Johnny Crashed. "But to be able to bring life into this world without actually having sex is what really has us all impressed, and quite frankly, mystified."
Authorities have been at the farm questioning all the men who have been present at the farm back through early March in an attempt to find a link to the conception. Most shared stories of vain attempts at seduction of the Virgin Gentempo with a shared outcome of a simple, hot meal, and a bible quote. "I certainly tried to get in her panties," said Jedi Priest and International Traveler, Father Jason Berube. "I even faked interest in Jesus. No luck."
In what local Christians are calling a Xmas miracle, Johnny Crashed has agreed to raise the child, named Lottie Weir Leavitt, as his own. "Ain't like no respectable woman is going to have sex with me. Might as well help out a single mother in need of a warm bed, a hot meal, and good weed!" Johnny Crashed said in a statement to local media.
Anyone who wants to contribute to the child's upbringing can send cash, checks, money orders, illicit drugs, and high quality porn to: Cow Pasture Productions, PO Box 122, Sumner, ME 04292. No midgets or farm animal themes please.